What (a) to do

Infinity Tunnels on the way to our campsite

Where have the last 3 weeks gone? Well, let me tell you…

What with camping, hot springs, and mooning kayakers down by Mt. Princeton with Erica OtherEthers, Mike DoitDoneit and his lovely lady, and CourtneyJason LotsofLove, it was one weekend with enough adventures to excuse this 3 week lag. But don’t doubt there are others.

Don’t blow your lode all in one place.

There was also the weekend of Letitia Lethalities, including but not limited to: lode finding, Anna Skyping, pepper dicing, decade debriefings, Taco Bell runs (double entendre there), and mocking graphic ‘no dogs pooing’ signs. I’d call us a double whammy.

But bigger than my own going ons:

This month the Summit County food banks are doing a drive to stock their shelves, as Mud Season unemployment is particularly hard on our population. So, as Spring cloud cells flit about spitting rain, hail, snow, or any combination thereof, volunteers, organizations, and community members work together to keep neighbors fed. My favorite is when the whole family gets involved.

Get the whole family involved.

For example, one small family came by and proudly dropped a box of Chex Mix in our cart. I complimented little-big sister on the choice at which point she and mom explained it had entailed an all out family debate in the cereal aisle.  A discussion of healthy vs. snacky foods sounds like EXACTLY what should be happening on a family grocery trip. I love ‘everybody wins’ situations, and this seemed a paradigm.

It made my heart swell each time someone stopped by, young single guys giving a can of peas, old dudes who’d rather give $20 b/c, as one fellow explained, “the only thing I’m good at picking are wedgies.” Toothbrushes, diapers, easy meals, baking staples, everything came our way. So far the average has been 700 lbs of food for 4 hours of volunteers being outside of local markets. A total of 3300 lbs of food have been collected so far, with more to come!

But I can tell you, the food flies off shelves, and not just in Summit County. I promise, there are hungry people in your area. So, wherever you are, grab those cans out of the back of your pantry, invest an extra .88 cents in a can of corn at the grocery store, do whatever you can, just be sure to share.

The need is great. And so are you.

Pinter Wark

I was promised on a time – to have reason for my rhyme; From that time unto this season, I received nor rhyme nor reason.

~Edmund Spenser

Nor is there reason much in this season. Winter never settled in, whereupon it left again. Only to return for a wink, then gone in another blink. Such convolution allows the illusion, that each day on snow, may be the last to go.

As such, I bustled over to Winter Park, the Resort of the Good ‘ol Boys; all of whom seem to deem shorts and ski boots as required Spring attire. While the vast majority of the mountain was closed, including the revered Mary Jane slopes, my disappointment dissipated upon hopping on the Zephyr Express and discovering they have a run named for my family! Apparently quite famous as a race course, and also one of the Resort’s original runs. I was first to lay down tracks on it that day; well, actually second; but only to a Ski Patroler.

Now, my information may be biased (as one of my favorite humans is a WP Ski Patroler), but these guys are On It. Such is to be expected of a department with an impressive retention rate of seasonal employees; some of these guys have been doing this job every winter for the past 43 years. Andy is on his 5th season of such work and heck, I’m impressed with HIS knowhow, I can’t begin to fathom the wisdom contained in those magnificent mustaches of the Original Fellas.

It being Last Day, Ski Patrol were busy dismantling what was left of the mountain: signs, netting, bear traps laid for people who cut boundaries, etc. I stopped up at the ski patrol shack at intervals to catch runs with Andy, tag along, and just generally see what went on. Patrols, aiding the lost and injured, reconnaissance, bow staff training with the valley’s Sensei, Hawaiian shirts, and lots of other very important business transpired in the mountain-top cabin.

That afternoon was the Spring Splash, much like Keystone’s Slush Cup, except this event involved an obstacle course through which the participants must traverse before even attempting the lip and pond at the bottom. It was an all around ruckus. Participants were pushed off the starting line riding switch (backwards) then had to navigate through goopy snow, a jungle of poles stuck in the ground, 2 slushy embankments and turns. Add to that the snowballs thrown by onlookers, then the jump itself.

Alice:I’m sorry I interrupted your birthday party. Thank you.
March Hare: Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party.
Mad Hatter: Of course not. This is an unbirthday party.

The March Hare, whose buns were bare.

The Mad Hatter, in his unbirthday suit.

One sequence of contestants were the March Hare and the Mad Hatter. Turns out, the March Hare was wearing a black man thong beneath his thin white bunny onesie. A fact to which we became painfully privy when he rose out of the water. The Mad Hatter came down with a bit of a delay, as a Ski Patroller had to convince him to put his pants back on before entering the course.

That afternoon, as the mountain cleared out, I listened to a 12 man funk band play for closing day, as the last Patrols came down off the mountain, maneuvering around mud and bearing the bounteous burdens of receding retainers. Then we mowwed burgers as various Patrolers were honored for achievements ranging from ‘Most People Hauled Down the Mountain’ to ‘Most newb move.’ Andy was honored for having hauled down well over 100 people throughout the season, though he confessed to having maimed most of them himself before lashing them to the sled.* Congrats Andy, well done.

And so, consecutive conclusions to the selfsame season subside.

*A patently untrue statement.

Rockies got Character(s)

As end of season festivities whirl through the Resorts, so too did snow. Naturally, just as we were cashing in chips, breaking out shorts and putting away ski boots; Ullr came through. Snow started coming down on Saturday and by Monday had accumulated over a foot; by Tuesday it has percolated. But for 1 last weekend, we got to ride.

Keystone closed weekend before last.  Vail, Breckenridge, and Copper held out until this past week; though Breck will ‘open’ for the next 2 weekends to make up the 7.4% profit loss this year to celebrate their 50th Anniversary. As the music and weather swept across the Resorts, I followed, gathering a picture of the ‘types’ who frequent different hills.

Thievery Corporation played Vail on Friday night. Despite the “lounge aesthetic” to their multiethnic electrofunk sound, by the end of their set the guitarist was striking Vrksasana atop a speaker, wearing only skivvies. Meanwhile the audience milled with a fascinating array of individuals. A 300 lb man with a Visa Black Card in his sweaty fist and jean shorts trundled past my observation station several times; so much money, so little company. So too did a petite mami chula. Her barbed boot heels clicked, leather encasing legs up to the knee. A chic fitted down jacket, lined with fur rode high on her waist and a massive cigar occupied her hand. As a matter of fact, there were a lot of big wealth cigars being wielded. Simultaneously, a tiny girl in rainbow tights and a tutu danced madly from Daddy’s shoulder-tops, as he attempted to maintain balance in ski boots with the mass of squirming  glee wadding his Spyder jacket around his face.

Saturday night delivered a respectable dump so Cody, Phil, & I broke from our Vail Resorts circuit and visited Copper where, as the snow-report dry erase board stated, “8 inches never felt so good.” And it kept coming down, intermittently, throughout the day, keeping tracks fresh. We rode with a vengeance.

I did, however, take this brilliant gem of a photo. Because what else is a skier to do while snowboarders strap in?

Vengeance, for a low-ball season with less than 50% average historical snow-pack across the state. (For our area, I’ve heard estimates as low as 38%). Vengeance for a season spent hearing about how great LAST year was. Vengeance, for not getting to try back-country, as there was not much avalanche safe back-country to be tried. Vengeance for having to take breaks every 3 powder runs because my legs DID NOT get to adjust to shredding the deep stuff on the reg. Vengeance for being so excited there was actually snow to ride, that I did not think to stop and take pictures of ourselves riding said snow. So, you get the point, all around, lots of vengeance to be vindicated… got it.

After riding, we stuck around to hear Pato Banton bring Caribbean rhythm to our elevation. The crowd seemed to be the older (23-42) steezy bros. Not to be confused with ‘a steezer‘. While 13-17 year old hopeful park rats frequent various Vail Mountain hills (one pass gets you into about 7 different resorts across the country with some world class rated parks to ride), these older bras, for reasons of being asked to leave or perhaps due to personal conviction, eschew the corporate slopes, instead choosing to populate Copper.

Everything about these guys is lounge heavy; sagging pants, exceedingly long ski jackets, duct tape. These boys probably know every esoteric brand of gear and appear to pride themselves on speaking in so much jargon that I couldn’t make it out, or just not speaking at all; communicating instead by guttural invocations and beerepathy. I’m not actually sure if I’m allowed to call them steezy, or if it’s like the N-word, and only they can use it amoung themselves in casual jest, whereas, come from a non-steezy, it’s just offensive. Oops. But they are fun to observe; even more so when actually up on the slopes, which is clearly their natural habitat.

My point is this, there have been world class artists playing everywhere up here for several weeks. I’d list them but you’ve probably never heard of ‘em… which is how you know they’re really good. And if not for the music, even just the people watching is fun.

Visitors Abounding & Slush Cup Astounding

“I’m glad you’ve found a place to have your adventures where I can visit!” ~MLE

Living in vacation destinations works for me. Living in a vacation destination easily accessible to State-Side friends and family adds an Element of Awesome. Not only do I daily get to play, I also get to share the marvels!

The Dower-teas

This season has been a steady IV drip of friends and family, spacing their visits so there is constantly someone just a few weeks down the road to look forward to. Being a creature who prefers, if not instant, at least short-term gratification, this is awesome. Each member of my nuclear family spaced themselves out by about a month. All except my sister, who is having her own adventures in South Korea with hubby Tim; but who don’t update their blog. Perhaps public ridicule will help. Ahem.

Schwester und Brüder.

Dad fitted in a weekend around a conference to come up and x-country ski and downhill in late January, when there was still snow; sort of. Little Brother came out in March and we gave the slopes a solid what-for. At the time, Rainbow Lake was still frozen enough to walk across; just barely. Most recently Momma Bird was up to enjoy a weekend of High Rockies Spring.

Oh, you thought Gaper Day was our only Spring event? Wrong. It seems the local populace projects their satisfaction with season’s switch by costuming up and getting ridiculous.

Case in Point: Slush Cup 2012 at closing day of Keystone Ski Resort.In which folks dressed as everything from gorillas in bikinis to Wacky Arm Inflatable Flailing Tube Man jettison down a slope, off a jump (WAIFTM may have missed the jump…), and attempt to hold form across a pond. Failure was lauded as emphatically as success and Ski Patrol in grass skirts and tiki-torches were on hand to fish out contestants and their flotsam bling.

As Momma kept pointing out, skiing is a gear intensive sport. Just ask Contestant Super Gramps, or even Tiny Dancer:

Is that a Jack Daniels IV drip?

Tiny Dancer Pwned the Pond Skim!

 

So what I’m saying is,

make time,

find a way,

come up and play.

Gaper Day

April’s arrival marks the end of Mustache March. Girlfriends resume influence on their men’s facial hair, and heck, it’s 60 + degrees, so who wants excess hair anyway?!

Do you know what Sponge Bob Square Pants’ favorite Holiday is? April 1st.

Texas suitcase - Not actually convenient for transportation, as skis will slip out of pole straps on the reg.

The Pizza vs. the French Fry

This most sacred of celebrations is colloquially called ‘Gaper Day’, whereupon we honor the major source of our industry; Gapers. So called for the gap between goggles and helmet/cowboy hat, Gapers will often be found tucking jeans into the top of their ski boots and carrying ski sets in the ‘Texas Suitcase’.

The more confident Gapers will be seen practicing the ‘Texas Tuck’, which somewhat simulates a racer’s crouch, except ski poles are pointed straight upward, acting as a lightening rod while the subject assumes the ‘pizza’ and skitters from one side of the run all the way to the other.

The major resorts, billing themselves as ‘family friendly’ raise security on April 1, forbid staff from dressing up, and discourage local revelers from visiting. As such, the major meeting-ground for this holiday is The Legend. And what a gathering it was!

Based out of the parking lot, clans will roll in at 5 am to get ‘beach front’ parking. Grills, games (such as sandbags), music (live or recorded), and copious libations seem to be the foundation for each ‘camp’, although there is constant free flow of people milling about.

Radder than U. Even on snow blades & in a fartbag.

It’s a lot of fun, but that which is truly rad, occurs up on the slopes, where everything from blinding neon 80s ‘fart bags’ (one piece ski suit), cowboy hats, jeans, Trashcan robots, Carhartts, tutus, duct tape suits, human size bananas, nudes, you name it, careen down the mountain on inordinately proportioned equipment, be they snow blades, or 80s style skis: flat and freakishly long.

My favorite were the outlandish outfits who would wobble and careen off the chair lift, then, as the expression goes, “rip the s#&% out this.” Laughing as men in ladies lingerie or bright gold, skin tight onesies flew off of jumps only to execute 720 spins and all other sort of astounding aeronautical maneuvers.

It’s a day about Fun; and Fun was had.

Boys' Club.

For further research, and if you’re not offended by nudity & foul language, learn more from this 1 hour, educational movie: Game of GNAR

The World is my Sno-Cone

I bet I could get the Pope behind me on this one.

Run off, and efforts to reduce wash out.

Spring sprang early this year; seemingly everywhere. Up here in the Rockies, we’ve had 60 degree weather for the past 3 weeks, reducing snow to a mushy, gooshey mashed potato Sno-Cone consistency. Stand in silence and hear the world melting around your very feet. Also, by ‘stand in silence’ I mean ‘look around’ and by ‘hear’ I mean ‘see.’ And by all of that I mean, feel the muddy coldness melt into your shoes and soak your socks.

Toe paths through tree cover and along the North face of mountains are still snow-packed but have been trampled, melted and refrozen into sturdy (albeit slick) pathways. The dirt roads and tourons‘ trails are well on their way to sneaker accessible; this is the time of year when the need for trail work is most evident.

Consider doing so this season through local organizations.

To my kittens back home, go play with the Earthriders, they’re rad and do a lot to maintain and enjoy the trails in the NorthLand of KC.

To my Mountain Mateys, check out the Friends of the Dillon Ranger District, and help keep our trails spik’n'span.

Most of all though, get yourself out there, it’s worth it.

It's Mine. GET IT!?!?!

Clouds, Fidgit, & Breck

As Erica and I were reminded while out for a muddy tromp yesterday, nature has a way of doing things that even 3-D glasses and a big screen can’t emulate.

Ski Etiquette

Welcome to a Rocky Mtn Spring Break. Come up, bring your friends and here’s a few tips in the interest of yourself, and those around you.

First off: GETTING TO THE RESORT

Yield doesn't mean Stop

Contrary to common American thinking, Roundabouts are not giant Stop Signs with a circle in the middle. The idea is that vehicles remain in motion. Vehicles in the roundabout have right-of-way but outside vehicles are to be merging steadily. Yes, this means the autos will be closer together than we are accustomed too; so just drive like a European, as if that other guy isn’t even there, even when within 6 inches of your bumper.

Secondly: HOW TO GET ONTO THE MOUNTAIN

When entering a crowded area, hold equipment close to body, thus avoiding whacking others in the face.

When covering longer distances with sparse crowding, feel free to throw skis over your shoulder. Toe tip forward with bindings against the back of your shoulder. Arm acts as counterbalance.

In both of these maneuvers it is important to lift with the ski whose brake is on the bottom, thus preventing one ski from sliding out of your clever carrying arrangement.

The resorts provide wagons to safely tote gear and children to and from the slopes.

The ski resorts have done everything they can to make getting onto and off of the mountain as safe and convenient as possible. What is required of you is Spatial Awareness. Yes, you are on vacation, you are carefree; but have a thought for the safety of others and do not throw skis over your shoulder, then in a crowded area, whip around to tell your buddy some hilarious joke. There are people around you. You will hit them. It will be unpleasant.

Divide the run into 4 'lanes' then stay in one. Check uphill when moving into another lane.

Thirdly: ON THE SLOPES

a) In your mind, separate the run into about 4 lanes. Choose one quarter of the width of the run, and stay in it. Make your turns predictable.

b) Anyone downhill of you has the right of way. Therefore, if you run into someone from behind IT WAS YOUR FAULT. If you have the right of way/are in front, be courteous and keep your maneuvers predictable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

c) When you see any variation of the following signs, SLOW DOWN.

This guy.

...these...

...or these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thread, don't Spread.

d) Finally, when you regroup at the top of a run and are trying to decide which way to go, whose glove you found, who has some chapstick you can borrow and updateing your FaceBook about what a great time you’re having, DO NOT SPREAD ACROSS THE RUN.

Snowboarders get most of the flak for this one, but skiiers do it too. When conferring, make yourselves like a pillar (line up downhill of one another), not a column (across the width of the run).

SUMMARY: Be aware of your space, and who & what is in it.